Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Everything about him screamed your future.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
