I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
