you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
