I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
