I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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