Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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