i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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