so explain again why im purple
no
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
