you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
