and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
