So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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