I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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