I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
