took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
