i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
