dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my shit smells like andre
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
