i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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