im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize