were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
