M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
