I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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