I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
