I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i need some magic done to my vagina
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