In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Terrible idea I love it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
