god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
