yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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