I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize