I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
