So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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