Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
