I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
