Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
