Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
