Sry I called you an 8
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
