I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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