she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
