My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
