he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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