We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
