The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I didn't notice because vodka
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
