I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Your penis caused this!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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