He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
