i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
