we have officially lost it.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
