3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
