Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Four minutes until I can fart!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
