i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
