you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
