i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
