i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize