saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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