What a fucking waste of an outfit
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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