can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
