wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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