I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like eating out sand paper
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
