Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
