Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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