LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
