i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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