A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
