Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
