I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
