its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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