Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
