He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
