why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize