i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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