I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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