As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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