Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
