I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
